Walt Disney is known all over the world as the creator of Mickey Mouse and many famous animated filmS. He was a talented filmmaker and the founder of Disneyland theme park.

Childhood and education

He was born in Chicago, the USA, on december 5, 1901. As a child, he loved drawing. He studied at Brenton Grammar School but dropped out at the age of 16.

Achievements

Walt Disney became a legendary filmmaker.He created Mickey Mouse and made famous animated films like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.In his life, he won 26 Oscars, 3 Golden Globes, and 1 Emmy a record in film history.He also built Disneyland, the first theme park in the world.Today, Disney parks around the world attract millions of visitors each year.

Family

Walt Disney was raised in a family with three older brothers and one younger sister.He eventually married Lillian Bounds. They were married for 41 years.Together, they had two daughters one biological and one adopted.

Death and the continued success of The Walt Disney Studios

He died of lung cancer in 1966.Today, Walt Disney Studios is one of the largest entertainment company in the world and continues to produce amazing films.His life and career still inspire millions of people around the globe.

1. Organization – 9.5/10

• Bố cục rõ ràng, chia mục theo từng phần: Childhood & Education – Achievements – Family – Death & Legacy → dễ theo dõi.
• Thứ tự hợp lý, đúng sườn SGK.
• Điểm trừ nhỏ: một số câu trong cùng mục chưa có dấu nối hoặc từ nối, khiến mạch văn hơi rời.

2. Legibility – 9.5/10

• Trình bày sạch, dễ đọc, có tiêu đề phụ rõ ràng.
• Tuy nhiên, cách viết tháng và tên riêng chưa chuẩn (ví dụ december → December).

3. Ideas – 9/10

• Bao quát đủ facts SGK: ngày sinh, nơi sinh, học vấn, sự nghiệp, giải thưởng, gia đình, cái chết, di sản.
• Có chi tiết “the first theme park in the world” → thực tế Disneyland là the first Disney theme park hoặc the first of its kind, không phải theme park đầu tiên trên thế giới → nên chỉnh để chính xác.

4. Word choice – 8.5/10

• Một số từ/cụm có thể nâng cấp:
• • known all over the world → world-renowned.
  • famous animated films → iconic animated films.
  • built Disneyland → founded Disneyland.
• Lỗi chữ hoa/thường: filmS, december.
• Lặp nhiều từ famous → thay bằng từ đồng nghĩa.

5. Grammar use – 8/10

Các lỗi cụ thể:

1. filmS → films (sai kiểu chữ).
2. on december 5, 1901 → on December 5, 1901 (viết hoa tên tháng).
3. a record in film history → nên thêm dấu phẩy hoặc tách câu để rõ ràng hơn.
4. company trong largest entertainment company → phải là companies.
5. two daughters one biological and one adopted → thiếu dấu phẩy → two daughters, one biological and one adopted.
6. Câu dài thiếu dấu phẩy phân tách ý (In his life, he won 26 Oscars, 3 Golden Globes, and 1 Emmy, a record in film history.).

Điểm tổng

• Organization: 9.5/10
• Legibility: 9.5/10
• Ideas: 9/10
• Word choice: 8.5/10
• Grammar use: 8/10
  Tổng = 44.5/50 → Thang 10: ~8.9/10

Bản nâng cấp đã sửa lỗi

Walt Disney is world-renowned as the creator of Mickey Mouse and many iconic animated films. He was a talented filmmaker and the founder of Disneyland, the first Disney theme park.

Childhood and Education
He was born in Chicago, the USA, on December 5, 1901. As a child, he loved drawing. He studied at Brenton Grammar School but dropped out at the age of 16.

Achievements
Walt Disney became a legendary filmmaker. He created Mickey Mouse and produced famous animated films such as Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. In his lifetime, he won 26 Oscars, 3 Golden Globes, and 1 Emmy — a record in film history. He also founded Disneyland, the first of its kind, which has inspired the creation of Disney parks around the world. Today, these parks attract millions of visitors every year.

Family
Walt Disney grew up with three older brothers and one younger sister. He married Lillian Bounds, and they were together for 41 years. They had two daughters, one biological and one adopted.

Death and Legacy
He died of lung cancer in 1966. Today, The Walt Disney Studios is one of the largest entertainment companies in the world and continues to produce acclaimed films. His life and career continue to inspire millions of people worldwide.