Walt Disney is known around the world as the man who created Mickey Mouse and changed the entertainment industry. He was also the founder of The Walt Disney Company, one of the biggest media companies in the world.

He was born on December 5, 1901, in Chicago, the United States. In his childhood, he loved drawing and telling stories. He went to McKinley High School and later studied art at the Chicago Art Institute.

Disney was a very successful film-maker. He created many famous cartoon characters, such as Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy. His first full-length animated movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs became a big hit. After that, he made other popular films like Cinderella and The Lion King.

Besides films, he also built Disneyland and Disney World, which are now famous theme parks. He had four brothers and one sister. He and his wife had two daughters.

Walt Disney passed away in 1966. However, his company is still successful today, making movies and building parks loved by people all over the world.

1. Organization – 9/10

• Bố cục mạch lạc: mở bài → childhood/education → achievements → theme parks → family → death & legacy.
• Chuyển ý tương đối tự nhiên.
• Điểm trừ nhỏ: Phần achievements và theme parks tách hơi đột ngột, có thể nối bằng Apart from films… hoặc In addition… để mượt hơn.

2. Legibility – 9.5/10

• Dễ đọc, câu rõ ràng, đoạn văn xuống dòng hợp lý.
• Không mắc lỗi trình bày lớn, nhưng nên in nghiêng tên phim để chuẩn hơn (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Cinderella, The Lion King).

3. Ideas – 8/10

• Nêu khá đầy đủ thông tin về tiểu sử, thành tựu, gia đình, di sản.
• Nhưng có một số chi tiết không đúng facts SGK:
• • SGK ghi Brenton Grammar School, không phải McKinley High School hay Chicago Art Institute.
  • The Lion King ra mắt sau khi Walt Disney qua đời (1994) nên không thể xếp vào phim do ông làm.
  • SGK ghi three older brothers and one younger sister, không phải four brothers and one sister.
• Nếu yêu cầu “bám facts SGK” thì mất điểm khá nhiều ở mục này.

4. Word choice – 8.5/10

• Từ vựng đa dạng: changed the entertainment industry, full-length animated movie, big hit.
• Có thể nâng cấp:
• • built Disneyland and Disney World → founded hoặc established.
  • big hit → tremendous success hoặc groundbreaking success.
• Một số từ có thể thay để tránh lặp famous, biggest.

5. Grammar use – 8.5/10

• Ngữ pháp nhìn chung tốt, nhưng còn vài lỗi nhỏ:
• 1. movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs → nên viết movie, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, hoặc movie titled Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
  2. He and his wife had two daughters → nên cụ thể one biological and one adopted nếu bám facts SGK.
  3. Một số câu đơn giản có thể nối thành câu phức để tăng sự trôi chảy.

Điểm tổng

• Organization: 9/10
• Legibility: 9.5/10
• Ideas: 8/10
• Word choice: 8.5/10
• Grammar use: 8.5/10
  Tổng = 43.5/50 → Thang 10: ~8.7/10
  (Nếu tính yêu cầu bám facts SGK, Ideas còn ~7/10 → tổng ~8.3/10)

Bản chỉnh sửa bám facts SGK

Walt Disney is known around the world as the man who created Mickey Mouse and changed the entertainment industry. He was also the founder of The Walt Disney Company, one of the most influential media companies in the world.
Born in 1901 in Chicago, the United States, Disney developed a passion for drawing and painting at an early age. He attended Brenton Grammar School but left at the age of 16 to follow his dream of becoming an artist.
He was a highly successful film-maker, creating beloved cartoon characters such as Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy. His first full-length animated feature, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, was a groundbreaking success. Over his career, he won 26 Oscars, 3 Golden Globe Awards, and 1 Emmy Award — a record in film history.
Apart from making films, he founded Disneyland and later conceived Disney World, theme parks that attract millions of visitors every year.
Disney had three older brothers and one younger sister. He married Lillian Bounds, and they had two daughters, one biological and one adopted.
He died of cancer in 1966 at the age of 65. Today, The Walt Disney Studios continues to create world-class films and inspire millions of people to follow their dreams.