Walt Disney is famous around the world for creating Mickey Mouse and for building a global entertainment empire. He was born on December 5, 1901, in Chicago, Illinois, USA. During his childhood, Disney developed a love for drawing and storytelling. He attended McKinley High School in Chicago and later studied at the Chicago Academy of Fine Arts.

He was a very successful film-maker who created beloved characters such as Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy. He also produced pioneering animated films like "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs", "Cinderella", and "The Lion King". Apart from making films, Disney was also famous for creating Disneyland and Walt Disney World, theme parks that continue to attract millions of visitors every year.

Walt Disney had four brothers and one sister. He married Lillian Bounds in 1925, and they had two daughters.

Disney died on December 15, 1966, in Burbank, California. Even after his death, The Walt Disney Studios has remained one of the most successful entertainment companies in the world, continuing his legacy of magic and imagination.

1. Organization – 9.5/10

• Bố cục rất rõ ràng: mở bài → childhood/education → achievements → family → death & legacy.
• Thông tin sắp xếp hợp lý, chuyển ý mạch lạc.
• Điểm trừ nhỏ: giữa achievements và family có thể thêm câu chuyển ý mềm hơn.

2. Legibility – 10/10

• Dễ đọc, câu văn rõ ràng, xuống dòng hợp lý.
• Không mắc lỗi chính tả, trình bày gọn gàng.

3. Ideas – 8.5/10

• Đưa nhiều thông tin chi tiết: ngày sinh, học vấn, nhân vật sáng tạo, phim nổi tiếng, Disneyland & Disney World, gia đình, di sản.
• Tuy nhiên, có thông tin không đúng facts SGK:
• • SGK ghi Brenton Grammar School, không phải McKinley High School hay Chicago Academy of Fine Arts.
  • SGK ghi three older brothers and one younger sister, bài viết ghi four brothers and one sister.
  • “The Lion King” không phải do Walt Disney trực tiếp sản xuất (ra mắt sau khi ông mất), nên không nên đưa nếu viết theo facts SGK.
• Nếu đây là bài yêu cầu “viết theo facts SGK” thì điểm sẽ trừ nhiều hơn vì không bám sát nguồn.

4. Word choice – 9/10

• Từ vựng phong phú: pioneering, global entertainment empire, beloved characters, legacy of magic and imagination.
• Có thể nâng thêm độ chính xác:
• • creating Disneyland → founding Disneyland.
  • theme parks that continue to attract → world-famous theme parks that continue to draw (tăng tính học thuật).

5. Grammar use – 9.5/10

• Cấu trúc câu đa dạng, hòa hợp thì chuẩn.
• Lỗi nhỏ: thiếu dấu phẩy sau mệnh đề mở đầu dài (During his childhood, Disney developed… → đúng, nhưng nên duy trì nhất quán dấu phẩy ở mệnh đề đầu).
• Dùng ngoặc kép cho tên phim là ổn, nhưng trong văn học thuật thường in nghiêng (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs).

Điểm tổng

• Organization: 9.5/10
• Legibility: 10/10
• Ideas: 8.5/10
• Word choice: 9/10
• Grammar use: 9.5/10
  Tổng = 46.5/50 → Thang 10: 9.3/10
  (Nếu yêu cầu bám facts SGK thì Ideas chỉ ~7/10 → tổng ~8.5/10)

Gợi ý cải thiện để đạt điểm tối đa và đúng facts SGK

Bản chỉnh sửa bám SGK:

Walt Disney is famous around the world for creating Mickey Mouse and for building a global entertainment empire. He was born in 1901 in Chicago, Illinois, USA. From an early age, he showed a love for drawing and painting. He attended Brenton Grammar School but left at the age of 16 to pursue his dream of becoming an artist.
He became a very successful film-maker, creating beloved characters such as Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy. His first full-length animated feature, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, was a ground breaking success. Apart from making films, he was also famous for founding Disneyland and later conceiving Disney World — world-famous theme parks that attract millions of visitors every year.
Disney had three older brothers and one younger sister. He married Lillian Bounds, and they had two daughters, one biological and one adopted.
He died in 1966 at the age of 65 from cancer. However, his legacy lives on, as The Walt Disney Studios continues to produce acclaimed films and inspire generations worldwide.