Walt Disney is well know around the world. He made many great films that both children and adults love.

He was born in Chicago in 1901. When he was a child, he enjoyed drawing and painting. He studied at Brenton Grammar School, but he left school at the age of 16.

Disney became a very famous filmmaker. He created Mickey Mouse and made popular animated films like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. In his career, he won 26 Oscars, 3 Golden Globe Awards, and 1 Emmy Award. That is a record in film history.

He also built the first theme park in the world – Disneyland. Today, many Disney parks exist in different countries and attract millions of visitors every year.

Disney had three older brothers and one younger sister. He was married to Lillian Bounds for 41 years. They had two daughters – one was adopted.

Walt Disney died of cancer in 1966. However, Walt Disney Studios continues to produce amazing films. His work still inspires people to follow their dreams.

1. Organization – 9/10

• Bố cục rõ ràng: mở bài → childhood/education → achievements → family → death/legacy.
• Thông tin theo trình tự hợp lý, bám sát sườn SGK.
• Điểm trừ nhỏ: Chuyển ý giữa achievements và Disneyland hơi đột ngột, có thể dùng cụm nối (In addition, Furthermore).

2. Legibility – 10/10

• Câu văn rõ ràng, dễ đọc, không rườm rà.
• Trình bày gọn gàng, xuống dòng hợp lý.

3. Ideas – 8.5/10

• Đầy đủ thông tin cơ bản: ngày sinh, nơi sinh, tài năng, học vấn, sự nghiệp, giải thưởng, gia đình, cái chết, di sản.
• Thiếu chi tiết về tài năng drawing and painting ở phần achievements (chỉ nhắc ở childhood).
• Thiếu thông tin “Disney World” và “jobs” khác như facts SGK.

4. Word choice – 8/10

• Một số từ/cụm từ đơn giản, lặp lại (famous, amazing films, made many great films).
• Cụm well know → phải là well known.
• the first theme park in the world → thực tế Disneyland không phải the very first in the world, mà là the first-ever Disney theme park hoặc the first of its kind → nên điều chỉnh để chính xác fact.
• That is a record → nên dùng That remains a record hoặc This set a record cho rõ nghĩa và phù hợp thì.

5. Grammar use – 8.5/10

Lỗi chính:

1. well know → well known.
2. one was adopted → câu đúng nhưng để song song cấu trúc nên viết one biological and one adopted.
3. He studied at Brenton Grammar School, but he left school at the age of 16. → tránh lặp school → He studied at Brenton Grammar School but left at the age of 16.
4. Một số câu đơn giản có thể nối thành câu phức để tăng mạch lạc.

Điểm tổng

• Organization: 9/10
• Legibility: 10/10
• Ideas: 8.5/10
• Word choice: 8/10
• Grammar use: 8.5/10
  Tổng = 44/50 → Thang 10: 8.8/10

Cách sửa & cải thiện câu

Phiên bản nâng cấp:

Walt Disney is well known around the world as a pioneering filmmaker who created some of the most beloved animated characters and films.
Born in Chicago in 1901, Disney showed a passion for drawing and painting from an early age. He studied at Brenton Grammar School but left at the age of 16 to pursue his artistic dreams.
Disney became a celebrated filmmaker, creating the iconic Mickey Mouse and producing popular animated features such as Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Throughout his career, he won 26 Oscars, 3 Golden Globe Awards, and 1 Emmy Award — a record in film history that still stands today.
He also founded Disneyland, the first Disney theme park of its kind, which became a model for similar parks around the world. Today, Disney theme parks attract millions of visitors each year.
Disney had three older brothers and one younger sister. He was married to Lillian Bounds for 41 years, and they had two daughters, one biological and one adopted.
Walt Disney died of cancer in 1966, but his legacy lives on. The Walt Disney Studios continues to produce acclaimed films, inspiring generations to dream big.