Walt Disney is well known for creating Mickey Mouse and building magical parks like Disneyland.

He was born in Chicago in 1901. As a child, Walt loved to draw and paint. He went to Brenton Grammar School but dropped out at the age of 16.

Walt worked as an artist, animator, film producer, and businessman. He created many famous cartoon characters, especially Mickey Mouse. He also built Disneyland the first-ever theme park of its kind. During his career, he won 26 Oscars, 3 Golden Globes, and 1 Emmy Award.

Walt had three older brothers and one younger sister. He married Lillian Bounds and they had two daughters one biological and one adopted. He and Lillian were married for 41 years

Walt Disney died in 1966 due to cancer. Even after his death, The Walt Disney Studios continues to grow and inspire people around the world.

1. Organization – 9/10

• Bài viết có bố cục rõ ràng: mở bài (giới thiệu), thân bài (childhood & education → achievements → family), kết bài (death & legacy).
• Trình tự hợp lý, bám sát sườn SGK.
• Điểm trừ nhỏ: Chưa có câu nối mượt giữa các đoạn; các đoạn khá rời nhau.

2. Legibility – 10/10

• Câu ngắn gọn, rõ ràng, dễ đọc.
• Không mắc lỗi chính tả hoặc trình bày.

3. Ideas – 8.5/10

• Bao quát đủ ý: ngày sinh, nơi sinh, học vấn, nghề nghiệp, thành tựu, gia đình, giải thưởng, cái chết.
• Chưa đề cập đầy đủ “talent” (drawing and painting) như facts SGK.
• Chưa nói đến “Disney World” như ở facts.
• Chưa có cụm mô tả rõ sức ảnh hưởng/tầm vóc di sản ngoài câu kết.

4. Word choice – 8.5/10

• Từ vựng chính xác, nhưng đơn giản và lặp lại (famous, built, created).
• Có thể nâng cấp:
• • well known for → renowned for, celebrated for
  • built → established, founded
  • continues to grow and inspire → has continued to flourish and inspire generations
• Thiếu tính liên kết bằng cụm từ chuyển ý (Moreover, In addition, As a result).

5. Grammar use – 8/10

• Lỗi ngữ pháp/diễn đạt:
• 1. "Disneyland the first-ever theme park of its kind" → thiếu dấu phẩy hoặc mệnh đề quan hệ → "Disneyland, the first-ever theme park of its kind" hoặc "Disneyland which was the first-ever theme park of its kind".
  2. "two daughters one biological and one adopted" → cần dấu phẩy → "two daughters, one biological and one adopted".
  3. "He and Lillian were married for 41 years" → câu đúng nhưng mạch văn sẽ mượt hơn nếu nối vào câu trước: "…and they were married for 41 years."
  4. "due to cancer" → chính xác nhưng formal hơn nên dùng "from cancer" hoặc "as a result of cancer" trong văn viết tiểu sử.
• Một số câu quá ngắn, có thể gộp thành câu phức để mạch lạc hơn.

Điểm tổng

• Organization: 9/10
• Legibility: 10/10
• Ideas: 8.5/10
• Word choice: 8.5/10
• Grammar use: 8/10
  Tổng = 44/50 → Thang 10: 8.8/10

Cách sửa & cải thiện

Bản nâng cấp câu lỗi:

1. "He also built Disneyland the first-ever theme park of its kind."
   → "He also built Disneyland, the first-ever theme park of its kind."
2. "They had two daughters one biological and one adopted."
   → "They had two daughters, one biological and one adopted."
3. "due to cancer"
   → "from cancer" hoặc "as a result of cancer".

Cải thiện từ vựng:

• well known for → renowned for, celebrated for
• built → founded, established
• continues to grow and inspire → has continued to flourish and inspire generations worldwide